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We understand the ails of humanity can largely be contributed to our own lack of connectedness. Much—if not all—the strife we experience, whether through crime, war, abortion, disease, environmental concerns, socioeconomic unrest, prejudice, hatred and fear—boils up from a well of disconnectedness and identity. It is in the seeing of the world as separate from ourselves that we come to learn (and teach) abuse; both self-abuse and the abuse of other living creatures, including the living system that sustains us all—the Earth. Without a concrete sense of connectedness with others and the world, we naturally begin to foster and define an identity for ourselves. At first—as infants and young children—this is done for us by our parents, grandparents and the other adults around us. As children, our parents choose our name, our clothing, our diet and a myriad of other experiences based upon their own preferences. Their preferences are a result of a complex matrix of conditions and experiences that have resulted from their own lives which were—in no small way—crafted by the adults around them as they grew up.  [As we grow older, we adopt this role of crafting a persona and we tend to do this rather unconsciously.]

On and on the cycle continues. Parents influencing their children, the children grow up, become parents themselves and pass their own influences on, and on, and on (for better or for worse.) Each generation goes on passing (or works to avoid passing) the sins and favors of the generation before. In Eastern tradition, this is what is meant when it is said a son takes on the sins (or the karma) of his father and forefathers. We are talking about a way of being and thinking that is passed on from generation to generation.

Like the energy shared among celestial bodies, sometimes—whether by your own power or as a result of a key event—we may break free of the gravitational pull of this ancestral energy, but our direction is still grossly influenced by our beginnings. This is especially true the closer we are to our point of origin (birth). As we move away from our perceived beginning, however,

1. we become more able to consciously choose our direction, and
2. the courses we set grow more attainable as we continue to refine our heading by orders of degrees.

In the event we choose to completely change direction (whether by conscious decision or inspired through a life-changing event), we establish a new course and drive toward that, but we do so with greater wisdom (assuming we learn from our experiences upon having them.)

In this way, not only are we connected to our parents, our parents’ parents and the lines of ancestry that proceeds them, but so too are we the direct ascendants of our own lineage, paying forward the writing on our own walls onto that of our children, their children and their children’s children. On and on it goes.

Extend this now—not only to our blood relations—but to all the people we come into contact with on a daily basis; such as our friends, coworkers, associates and acquaintances. Extend this to the people we meet on the street, the people we share the road with, the people we serve and whom serve us for the briefest of instances, whether we are staying at a hotel for a single night or checking out a book at the library or purchasing groceries at the city market.

Think about this for a moment. Have you ever had anyone do something unexpected for you? Some random act of kindness? I once had a client gift me with a free hotel room in Chicago. As a travel agent, Lynn knew I had collected quotes for a surprise trip for my wife months prior, but I had pulled back from making reservations because I had hit a number of road blocks in deciding how to get there. I had tabled the idea and about two to three months later, Lynn approached me with the offer of a free room at the Embassy Suites in the heart of downtown Chicago. She said she “had some rooms open up.” It was a wonderful offer that came out of the blue and it was enough to rekindle the idea of treating my wife to a weekend in Chicago. I hired our nanny for the weekend and my wife and I hit the museums, gallery and soaked up some of the sights and sounds of this wonderful city. It was marvelous! To show our appreciation, I sent Lynn a gift certificate to a local up-scale restaurant upon our return.

Conversely, have you ever been the recipient of someone’s ire while driving? How did that make you feel? Do you still remember the experience? Myself, I have multiple stories here, however we’re not going to get into those, as that’s not where we want to put our focus. Suffice it to say, it’s likely we remember the little random transgressions, right? How do you react when they happen? Do you react to anyone differently afterward? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you easily shrug off the negative experience and don’t even tell anyone about it. Or, maybe you become so charged by the transaction you share it with anyone who will listen. If you share the story, are you telling those people a positive, uplifting story? Do you think they will leave your presence feeling inspired and uplifted?

Now, am I saying you should never share your bad experiences or misfortunes with others? No, I’m not saying that. Among those we should be able to lean on, counselors are professionally trained to listen to stories upon stories of hurt and misfortune and then shed these stories rather than allow themselves to become burdened with the collective weight of them. With varying degrees of success, they do this. Those who aren’t as good at clearing and recharging their energy on a frequent basis usually end up finding another line of work. Why should this be? Aren’t they separate from their patients? Ah, well, there’s the conundrum. How do you help heal someone while remaining disconnected from them? I would offer it’s nigh impossible.

There is a Hawaiian method of healing called Ho’oponopono. This method is the exact opposite of distancing yourself from another with the intent to heal them from afar. In fact, Ho’oponopono says a problem doesn’t present itself to you (even if it’s in the form of someone else’s problem) unless you’re part of the problem! By agreeing to take 100 percent responsibility for the problems that cross our paths, we now no longer seek to heal or correct the other person as if there was something wrong with them. Instead, we turn inward and ask Divinity to heal that which is within ourselves that has caused the misalignment within them.

Where is this on the “connectedness spectrum”? Is this connected or disconnected thinking? I would offer this is extremely connected thinking. In taking 100 percent responsibility for the ailments and disharmony we see in the world, we take the first step toward healing them. What is the first step in any recovery program? It is to acknowledge we have a problem. Only through owning the problem are we able to then right the condition we seek to correct. Additionally, within these same recovery programs, notice the submission to a higher power. “Let go and let God,” you’ll hear. There is a common understanding across most religions, institutions of healing and recovery programs that we are not alone. In fact, we can turn to Divinity and—with Divine countenance and direction—find ourselves as co-authors of the solution we seek. The first step for attaining what we seek then (be it health, wealth, or happiness for ourselves or others) is to first come to terms with the fact we are part of the problem.

Second, we must realize we will accomplish little on our own. Indeed, it is the connecting with our dreams, our loved ones, our patients, our clients, our healing, our abundance, our joy and our own inner Divinity that we may hope to achieve any of it. Anyone who builds a dream into reality, be it a new company, a lifestyle or any other worthy endeavor, must start with connecting with the ideal in mind. We affect the universe around us in three ways: thought, word and deed.

I once heard someone say that it doesn’t matter what your beliefs are while they rattle around in your head because—until they are evinced through word or deed—they don’t matter. I would respectfully disagree with this. Through the study of quantum physics and other means, we have proven thoughts have power to alter physical matter (see Emoto’s work with water crystals.)

In the documentary “What the Bleep are We?”, the topic of physical reality is discussed. We know that all matter is made up of molecules and the space between the molecules. We also know that the difference between matter in the form of a gas, liquid or solid is negligible, being defined merely by the difference in frequency by which they vibrate. Additionally, the space between these molecules is more than a little. For instance, if you took a hydrogen atom and zoomed in until the proton in its nucleus was the size of a grain of sand, the electron orbiting the nucleus would be over half a mile away, held in orbit by nothing but an electrostatic force field. Most of everything you experience as physical reality is made up of empty space. That includes the floor you stand on, the chair you sit in, the clothes you’re wearing, the body you move with and the food you put in it; everything.

We are not our body. We are not the clothes we wear, nor the car we drive, nor the place we live nor the place where we were born. We are not the job we have or don’t have. We are not our things. Even our emotions are temporary; we’re certainly not them either. So, what are we then? I might offer we just simply are. Or, more appropriately, you may say to yourself, “I am.”

“I am” is ubiquitous.

“I am” is complete connectedness.

“I am.”

Connected.

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 37 years old. I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday morning and saw man in a gray, pinstriped three-piece suit and an unshaven face looking back at me. My heart was breaking a little at the time and I asked myself if this is what a mid-life crisis feels like.

There is a part of me that is still getting comfortable with the label of ‘man’ as opposed to ‘young man’ or ‘boy’. There was an older gentleman with whom I shared an elevator for a few moments as I was leaving the hospital earlier in the week. He wore a long black coat, buttoned, a red scarf, white hair and glasses. I was in his presence for less than a ten seconds but it was enough time for me to feel a difference between us. To me, he felt established in his career, established in his life, affluent and possibly influential. I considered my own sense of self in that moment and noticed I felt considerably less so.

Yesterday, when I looked in the mirror and saw the businessman looking back at me, I felt the label of ‘man’ and considered how alien it felt. For the past decade plus, I’ve felt as if I was in my early 20′s (and I certainly was not a man during my early 20′s!) I saw a man yesterday and marveled at him briefly. Then, to help convince myself of this mirage, I considered a number of things:

• I’m 37 years old. Yes, I know that’s young. Yes, I slowed my physical aging a couple years ago (I think I’ll live until I’m 189 or so. I think one of my cats is doing the same thing.)
• I am a married father with four kids under the age of 5.
• I have owned and operated a web design business for years now. I’ve been working with web pages for over 16 years.

Obviously, none of these items make a man a man, but these are the things that came to mind as my reflection stared back at me.

As for the sense of overwhelming confusion and aimlessness that has me wondering if I’m experiencing a “mid-life crisis”, I’ve been dealing with that now for the last month and a half and figured it was on its way out until it crept back in yesterday. For my birthday, my wife purchased us a visit to a massage therapist and after my time on the table (it was the first massage that made me understand why people get massages) I was feeling much better. By the evening, I felt as if I was in a healing hangover of sorts, even ending my workout after five minutes when I discovered how out-of-step and uncoordinated I was. Yesterday morning, I awoke with a short fuse and decided I would not attend my usual Tuesday networking group, choosing to stay home and work on paperwork until my next meeting later that morning. Sensing my intolerance and abruptness, my wife approached me gently as I sat at my desk and by the end of that short conversation I had broken down and cried.

I guess you could say I’m frustrated. My patience with my web work is waning and turning into avoidance and
resentment, even in the face of increasing volume. In contrast, I found myself looking forward to a speaking engagement that was scheduled for next month. When I received the news on Sunday this opportunity had fallen through, I think I was disappointed–not because I felt I missed a good marketing opportunity–but because I felt it was practice for the day when I would be out there speaking about matters of the spirit and really helping people. (This is a revelation as I write this.)

So yesterday morning, I found myself at my desk feeling listless and lost, not knowing which direction to move in to begin on the path to realizing my Perfect Day. I have a ton of web work to do, I feel, and have been feeling overwhelmed at the growing list of to-do’s. I’m feeling a little better now, but suffice it to say I know I’m going through something. My wife says I’m in a transformation and going through growing pains. Maybe. Maybe I’m just wigging myself out too. Maybe it’s the alignment of the planets. Maybe it’s male PMS. Maybe I’m just plain tired. I don’t know, but whatever it is, I want my clarity back. I used to have a vision for myself and my web work. Now, when I picture my Perfect Day, I don’t even see my web work. This is one of my points of consternation, I think.  I’ve been so sure on my direction, for so long, to now not see where I’m going is making my current efforts feel empty and meaningless. Before, it was always moving from one site to the next, one customer to the next, knowing that I was building something and helping people. Now? Now, I feel like things are taking too long to move. I’m feeling like I’ve been working for too hard, for too long, and I desperately want to relax and to know at the end of the day, I don’t have to do the next project or the next thing. I’ve come to a place where my work is now more ‘have to’ and less ‘want to’, it seems.

So, how do I get back to ‘want to’, then? And when I get back to ‘want to’, what will it be that I want, if not the web work that has occupied my dreams for the past decade and a half? I’ve asked the question, but apparently I’ve been too dense lately to hear the answer because it’s not being read through my fog of un-clarity. So I’ll tap on it, clean on it, write about it, pray about it and maybe–just maybe–it will come to me.

Ho’oponopono (the abridged version here) says to let go, let God and clean, clean, clean, using a number of mantra-esque prayers and tools. The practice of setting your intent says to focus on what you want, feel good in that and remove your focus from that which you don’t want. Is there a balance to be stricken between the two? Do we let go and give it all to Divinity to direct, essentially giving up creative license (and therefore responsibility?) for our own lives? Were we not given the ability to create so we could join God in the process of co-creation? Or do we move in a direction, based on desires–worldly or inspired–and intentionally (or accidentally) manifest along the way? I’ve seen both work, but when coming from a place of confusion (as I’m apparently choosing in this moment,) would it not make sense to give it up to God until I find my desire again? Actually, yes, maybe that’s what I need to do. Maybe I just need to sit in the confusion for a bit and find peace with it. Let go of the anxious feeling of being unmotivated and derailed, and simply be okay with treading water for a bit. A mentor suggested this to me yesterday and I feel she may be right.

I guess that’s what I’ll do. I’ll return to patience with the process and take time to breathe for now. I’ll place this post before it goes another day and I’ll do my best to relax. I have so many great things going on in my life right now, I’ve got plenty I can focus on until I find my direction again.

Amen.

p.s.- Interestingly, an opportunity to speak at a local church presented itself yesterday; two days after the previous opportunity blew up. Obviously, this will be a different talk; less web-centric and more “spiritual journey“.

God uses our work to elevate others. Consider the work of teachers like Wayne Dyer and Stephen Covey. You only discover these materials when it’s time for you to receive the messages they contain.

Joe Vitale lamented this phenomenon as he studied ho’oponopono. He felt his earlier work with setting intent was somehow flawed and–for a moment–he wanted to take it all back. He soon realized those earlier efforts were fine they way they are because they resonate with people who are ready to receive them.

Once you view your efforts as a stepping stone along the path and not the destination, you’ll find much more peace with teaching and writing.

In line behind the Divine

So I’ve been studying Ho’oponopono lately, right?  Love it.  Trying to trust it.  Yes, my western mind looks for immediate results.  I “clean” everyday now, mostly using the mantra, “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.”  I’ve been using it in my relationships as I talk with people, as I’m driving to and from work, before I drift off to bed–even as I’m simply walking across parking lots.  As results go, I’ve seen little things here and there.  Dr. Hew Len says to expect “doo-doo” to come up as a result of doing this work and respond by cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.  Indeed, doo-doo has been coming up.  For instance, shortly after I clean, I’ve seen odd arguments flare up between my wife and I.  From the standpoint of a silent observer, these fights seem to go into autopilot once they bloom, taking on a life of their own.  Both of us seem mindless–not present.  Driven by something else?

Memories.

In any case, once we disengage from battle, I clean.  I find she has been coming back to the table to re-establish peace quickly–within an hour or two.  In the past, she would stew over such bickering for days.  Or–I guess–this has been the memory I have shared with her.  I, too, let our fights roll off my back quicker than ever before.  Ho’oponopono at work?

Today, on my way into work, I was cleaning as I now regularly do.  I moved into the lane behind a delivery truck with a large image of what looked like a shampoo bottle with a wine label on it (if that makes any sense.)  The title of the product?

“Divine”

I’ll take it I’m on the right track.